I don't mean slowly like 0.5lbs every 2 weeks. I mean slowly as in 2lbs a week rather than my constant strive to lose 4lbs a week.
I lost my internet connection for a good while there, also Craig's laptop was broken... I suddenly found myself without my support group and began to think about crazy thoughts of recovery - which turns out was actually just a binge-breakdown.
I rocketed up to a revolting 119lbs but I won't start ranting about how disgusting I am because I've done it too many times.
I'm past it now. I need to keep my mind fixed on my goal!
I'm going to a Wedding on May 10th but I'll be in the cars, sitting at the front table, etc.. basically on view a lot! This is the dress I've bought for it:
I'm gonna have gold chunky bracelets on, gold heels (nice gold, not tacky gold!) and do my hair/make-up in a kinda Grecian-style...
The back of the dress exposes my back, and the style means I can't wear a bra... which means I need to lose serious weight to carry it off properly!
So far I've lost 3lbs, but I'm still huge, so I've started to purge my dinner .
It's easier to do that I thought it would be.. I just tell Craig I'm going for a shower and he usually goes into his Studio to work on some (loud) music which is double the help to block out any purging noises. (I'm beginning to remember how to purge silently, but it'll take time...)
I don't eat much during the day because I'm busy at Uni/work and I don't take money to buy food, so it's really only dangerous when I'm at home in the evening, thus the purge... just as long as I don't binge!
My aim is min. 2lbs per week, which means I *should* be 108lbs by the Wedding.. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll be even lighter.
The week after Craig is DJ'ing in a club in the city and his very thin sister will be there.. (she's a recovering mia) - so I'd like to be the thinner one rather than be the tubby one. After all, it's all about competitiveness isn't it? Striving to be the thinnest.
Sidenote: Craig's stupid ex (from like 5 years ago) is gonna "stop by" so it's extra fuel to ensure I'm as thin as possible!
..Wish me luck!
CW: Fat as fuck
1 comment:
Good to hear from you again! Seriously missed you and thought something bad must have happened. Glad that it was "only" the internet connection that kept you away from the forums and your blog.
About taking things slowly: I always wanted to be able to do so, but I just can't get satisfied by losing just a pound or so. It just can't be fast enough and just losing a pound is like losing nothing is like failure is like me being shit. I hate it so much. :(
The danger of evenings.. Who doesn't know it? It's the same about weekends. This one was the worst for a long time for me. I don't even dare to think about how many calories I consumed...
I'm trying to stick to apples from now on. Three a day, nothing else, but water, tea and coffee should maybe be able to somehow bring the balance back.
I'm such a fatass. :(
I wish you all the best with your plan and I'm sure you'll make it and you'll look drop dead gorgeous in the dress!
Stay focussed to your goal!
L.
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