Almost Lost..

Right..
I thought it was time I wrote a small post to let everyone know that I haven't disappeared again, but I haven't been doing well.
My scales have been taken away from me for a while now, so I have no idea what I weigh and I've been going out of my mind!
I've deffo gained weight, but I don't know how much..
Blah, it's so shit.

I'll be back soon. x

Hard weather

Gawd.. I can't stop sneezing and my head feels blocked. I had a great lie in, though... don't start work til 2pm today.
Yesterday the funeral was okay... Actually, the service was lovely. There were tears, but there were also laughs. Iain's Wake was in the Hilton Hotel in the West End of Glasgow and it was probably one of the best Wakes that I've been to.
After that, I had to begin my long journey home as the trains were being cancelled left right and centre. I managed to only have to change over trains once but as soon as I got off the train in my home town there was hail, rain, and wind like a hurricaine - Horrible! Needless to say that's why I'm sneezing.

Blah.
I'm starting a new little project; crocheting a blanket, for many reasons:
1. It will keep me occupied and hypnotised in times where I'm most prone to bingeing.
2. It's a blanket and will keep me warm!
3. It'll look pretty.

*Before I go, I'm noting that on the right hand side info panel I've began to update my weight more... I'm also going to put in a section to have my BMI on show because, as we all know, weight means nothing unless you take your height into account. (NB: I'm 5'5")

cw: unknown yet

Eating Plan...

Before I begin, the following eating plan has been made solely for myself. I take no responsibility for any one who decides to follow it and any consequences that may result from it.
I have not included water in this eating plan as it has 0 calories and I drink it regularly throughout the day.. anyone who follows this plan should make sure they drink lots of water!
Exercising is an option too...
I also take 2 vitamin C, and 2 multivitamin + iron tablets every morning.
Feel free to move eating times to times more acceptable to your life, my eating times vary each day however you should always make sure you keep to the general eating times of breakfast, lunch, and dinner... that way the immediate people in your life can see you eat!

Sunday
10.30am: 100ml orange juice (41 cals), half of a typical 100g banana (47 cals)
3.30pm: 3 slices of (tesco eat light) melba toast (39 cals) and half a can of drained tuna (65 cals
6.00pm: One can of weight watchers soup (86 cals)
Allowances: 2 x coffee with 0 calorie sweeteners and 50ml skimmed milk (approx 25 cals per coffee)
Snack: One kiwi (49 cals)
TOTAL EXCLUDING ALLOWANCES AND SNACKS: 278cals

Monday
10.30am: 100ml orange juice (41 cals), one kiwi fruit (49cals)
3.30pm: 3 slices of (tesco eat light) melba toast (39 cals), 100g small silverskin pickled onions (10 cals) and half a can of drained tuna (65 cals)
6.00pm: one slim a soup (diet cuppa soup sachet packets, 56 cals)
Allowances: 2 x coffee with 0 calorie sweeteners and 50ml skimmed milk
Snack: One low calorie yoghurt (between 50-70 cals)
TOTAL EXCLUDING ALLOWANCES AND SNACKS: 278cals

Tuesday
9.30am: 100ml apple juice (47 cals), one kiwi (49 cals)
1.00pm: One small apple (61 cals)
6.00pm: One Slim a soup (58 cals)
Allowances: 2 x coffee with 0 calorie sweeteners and 50ml skimmed milk
Snack: One low calorie yoghurt (between 50-70 cals)
TOTAL EXCLUDING ALLOWANCES AND SNACKS: 215cals

Wednesday
10.30am: One coffee (25 cals)
12.30pm: One small orange (57 cals)
6.00pm: One can of weight watchers soup (86 cals)
Allowances: 2 x coffee with 0 calorie sweeteners and 50ml skimmed milk
Snack: One low calorie yoghurt (between 50-70 cals)
TOTAL EXCLUDING ALLOWANCES AND SNACKS: 168cals

Thursday
10.30am: 100ml Orange juice (41 cals)
12.30pm: One kiwi (49 cals)
6.30pm: 55g Cous Cous (81 cals)
Allowances: 2 x coffee with 0 calorie sweeteners and 50ml skimmed milk
Snack: Banana (95 cals)
TOTAL EXCLUDING ALLOWANCES AND SNACKS: 171cals

Friday
10.30am: Half a banana (47 cals)
12.30pm: 3 Slices of Melba toast (39 cals) and half can of tuna (65 cals)
6.30pm: Slim a soup (58 cals)
Allowances: 2 x coffee with 0 calorie sweeteners and 50ml skimmed milk
Snack: Low fat yoghurt (between 50-70 cals)
TOTAL EXCLUDING ALLOWANCES AND SNACKS: 209cals

Saturday
11am: 100ml Orange juice (41 cals), One kiwi (47 cals)
3.30pm: Slim a soup (58 cals)
6.30pm: 55g Cous Cous (81 cals)
Allowances: 2 x coffee with 0 calorie sweeteners and 50ml skimmed milk
Snack: Banana (95 cals)
TOTAL EXCLUDING ALLOWANCES AND SNACKS: 227cals

Remember.. Calories may vary (not by much tho).. always check the labels!

Hm.

Well I reached my 111lbs goal, so I'm happy about that. What I'm not so happy about is my friends funeral tomorrow.. I can't believe he's gone. And in the most random, unpredictable way (he fell over his flat balcony and was found in the courtyard in the morning).. How can that happen? Things like that don't happen to your friends.. they just don't.
Anyway, I'm getting too upset; I don't have the energy for it.

Back to weight talk..
I wrote myself an eating plan for this week, I have it stuck to my fridge.. I even showed Craig it and he's fine with it which, needless to say, is surprising because each day totals me to be eating under 300 calories, some days even under 150 calories.
I told him the dietician said that my main concern is eating at proper times during the day and THEN concentraing on increasing the amount i eat.

He believed it.

For all those girls who are restricting under 300 calories per day and just doing it in their heads I recommend writing an eating plan; if you stick to it ridgedly (and i mean like the bible! NB: i'm not religious) then the risk of bingeing is zero-to-none and you don't feel hungry because you're eating 3 times a day!
I'll post my eating plan up here for everyone who might like to give it a try... Pls email me if you have any feedback or suggestions to vary the foods!
xx

Balloon

FUCK.. In the strongest emphasis.
To say the least, over Christmas the shit hit the fan.
I was doing great leading up to the dietician appointment.. she talked for hours about how bad ana was for me, etc etc.. blah blah.
It just made me more inclined to reach 100lbs or less for our next meeting.
Then my friend... my very dear friend, Iain, died.
I've ate.. and ate... and I weighed myself this morning; I'm 114lbs.
F. U. C. K.
I'm gonna be 111lbs by Monday.
Just watch...

Almost Christmas...

Here I am, reporting for duty 21 days after my prev. post.
I'm glad to say I've lost weight again, although it has proven very difficult to break 'recovery' eating patterns and i've been prone to MANY binges!
I'm working on that...
My Previous weight was 116lbs, and my CW is 110lbs as checked this morning... which is pretty pathetic for a whole 21 days. At one point i dipped down to 109 then had a major binge fest and went back to 112!!!
I must say tho, I've been gradually learning again how to just walk away.

2 new ana text buds are on the scene; Emma who is quite quiet, she's 120lbs.. and Marie who is my ultimate supporting rock at 102lbs.. It's so amazing for when you wanna binge and need some encouragement against it.

I've got my apointment with the Dietician on Wednesday, booo... My GW for then is 107lbs, which makes my BMI 17.8, mwahaha... I hope i achieve it.

Fab new thinspo ana site: http://www.xanga.com/ana_directory
x

Disgusting

Well I disappeared for a while due to a new flat and no internet.
I thought having a bigger flat would make it easier to hide my ana from Craig but it's not.
Instead I went through a "recovery" period, and only today have I decided I've had enough.
I now weigh 8st 4lbs... 116lbs.. The heaviest I've been in a long time. It's revolting, and frankly I can hardly even bare to wake up.
I've had enough. Fuck therapy, fuck the dietician, fuck eating.
I've started my diet pills again, got out my weight book, and swore that I'm gonna at least be 7st 5lbs by Christmas.
I need to get back in touch with my ana girls and get a grip!!!
xox